I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
