But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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