he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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