In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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