Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
