I am in a vortex of obligation.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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