me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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