If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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