I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
