There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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