I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
