what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
