what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
