K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
