Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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