Ambien. No doubt about it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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