i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
