She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
