why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
