Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You made out with two different species that night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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