Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
