your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
