i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
