It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
