i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
