Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
