ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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