just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
