im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
