It was confusing and full of hummus
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
