Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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