idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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