at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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