I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
