just come out here and I will go home with you...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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