I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
