you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize