Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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