i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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