Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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