hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
