I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
