if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
