So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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