my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
