i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
