Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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