You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
