Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
