Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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