My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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