doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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