i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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