Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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