I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
