D3 body, D1 cock
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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