Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
