I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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