Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize