First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
