My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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