Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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