I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
