is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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