just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
