i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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